I was born in 1966, and was raised on the west side of San Antonio Texas. My honest and hard working Catholic parents Tim and Felicita had seven other children. I was the youngest of seven.
At an early age I learned to make do with what God gave me, scrap and fight for what I wanted and needed. I got used to hand-me- downs and left-overs. My environment made me a resourceful man. And I chose to focus on function rather than fashion, materialism, trends and luxuries.
I have always been a dreamer. The arts and making music inspired me and lifted me out of my dull circumstance. As a child I would find creative ways to escape—you could find me pretending to be someone I created in my mind or making music by singing, tinkering or playing drums on pots and pans.
I also spent a lot of my time in the (woods) or down by the water catching critters. I have always (and still do) enjoy Gods creation especially when it comes to wildlife, the outdoors and music.
When I was between the ages 5 and 8 yrs old (I can’t recall exactly) my life took a dark and twisted turn. I was sexually molested, not once but on several different occasions by an uncle of mine.
This tragedy planted seeds of perversion, deceit, fear, addiction, anger, hate, selfishness and insecurity within me. As a young man I operated as a thief, a pervert, a womanizer, an addict, I even dabbled in witchcraft. If there was something that I thought it would satisfy my lustful desires (that I could get away with it) I would try it.
I actually enjoyed corrupting people, you could say I prided myself on being a scoundrel and being a good liar.
Generational curses and the plans of the devil to destroy me and my legacy have been canceled by the power of JESUS! Amen! Anything that is not from GOD, including generational curses, can be removed from the life of anyone who calls on The Name of JESUS, I am living proof.
Because of God’s grace, my mind blocked out the memories of abuse until my mid twenties and as I began to face the truth, still operated in wickedness.
I began to use alcohol, tobacco and marijuana in middle school, added LSD and cocaine to the list in high school and soon after that tried a little heroin, more coke and got really hooked on crack and meth as an “adult”.
Many times what begins as something we think is liberating (drugs, habits, self indulgence/gratification) is actually bondage straight from the pit of hell.
I was angry and felt that because God allowed that evil to happen to me, I had a license to sin and be as wicked as I wanted. I was dead wrong.
I lived the “rock–n-roll” life style, fed my ego and was a slave to my flesh, ran the streets, was sexually promiscuous. As a result, I ruined my first marriage and destroyed and hurt my family. To this very day, Father God in His goodness continues to restore my relationship with my two adult daughters from that marriage.
I had countless ungodly relationships with women, during and before my first marriage and after I was divorced from my first wife. I had a live-in girlfriend at one point, who told me that she was pregnant with my child; she asked me to pay for an abortion and I did. I consider myself a murderer for that. I am sorry. I have repented and I regret it, and as sickening a sin as it is, I know Father has forgiven me for doing such a heinous thing. I tell about this only so others will know there is no sin too big that Father God will not forgive.
(Except for blaspheming The Holy Spirit +Matthew 12:31 Mark 3:29 Luke 12:10) Do not believe the lie of the devil that claims you are alone in your pain, shame or sin, we need to shine Gods Holy light on anything that is not of or from HIM and be set free from it.
In His grace and mercy Father did not totally destroy me, but He kept His hand on me and pursued me and kept me from disease, death, jail and a lot of trouble. He put my beloved Mary in my life. It wasn’t long before Mary surrendered and gave her life to Christ (which made the old me quite angry).
I pretended to give my life to Him, too. I said “the prayer”. I “played church” and thought I could have my cake and eat it, too. I was only fooling myself. We soon were married and I went through the motions but did not surrender my heart and life.
I continued to operate in deceit, addictions, and perversions and was living a double-life. I committed adultery numerous times, continuing in my promiscuity, violating my covenant with Mary and God. I got called out by a female ministry partner whom I was committing adultery with; I denied it until the evidence and the guilt was overwhelming. I betrayed disrespected and disgraced God and Mary– the bride whom He had given to me. I hurt her tremendously and she had every right to divorce me.
The grace of God is so good and it operated in Mary in a mighty way and enabled her to forgive me and give me a chance. We went to counseling with pastor Charles Flowers at Faith Outreach and I had some break-through but I still wanted to hold on to some of my mess and not open up and let the light of Christ into all the dark places in my heart. Slowly, but surely I fell back into acting on what my sinful flesh desired. (Just a little F.Y.I -The flesh is wicked and nasty and wants what it wants at any cost, it really makes me sick, I hate that flesh!)
Because of His great unrelenting love for me, our sovereign Father allowed my sin and lies to be exposed again. Hebrews 12:5; 6, Proverbs3:12. I got caught again in deceit and that was it; Mary had all she could take and asked me to leave the house.
I had to decide what I wanted to do and I was tired of going in circles and being lost. I finally and truly got sick of my self, sick of who I was and sick of being a pawn of the devil. I was at my lowest point and cried out to The Lord for help and I surrendered. It wasn’t about saving my family and marriage; it was about getting right with God and being free.
I realized I needed deliverance and a purging from within. I hoped and prayed I would have an instant “magical” transformation, but if it was not instant, I prayed for the strength to persevere, to grab hold of deliverance.
I needed to run to HIM, surround my self with Godly people and influences. I needed to distance myself from the world and ungodly alliances. I did not desire to seek shelter with some of the people I called friends, the lost and dying “party” crowd.
Some years before I arrived at this crossroads the Lord placed Steve and Carla and Jake in my life, these beloved people were instrumental in my encounter and true salvation. They are still a big part of my life and support me and my family in so many ways.
They both graciously allowed me to stay with them for a while to allow God to work on me. I thank Father that He used them to minister and pour into me in love and patience for several months. One night in my dorm room as I meditated on the first part of Proverbs 2 (My favorite inspirational verses), The Creator of the universe, God All mighty– Himself met me in that place.
The Holy presence of JESUS, Holy Spirit, revealed Himself to me. He desired that I may come to really Know Him; it was a very frightening encounter (to say the least).
As I lay trembling, I felt as if Father either took His hand off of me or was pressing down on me. I lay broken and shaken and an inescapable fear like no other enveloped me. I could not hide or run from Him, I could not pray fast enough or hard enough or loud enough! I could not get on my face low enough to escape the fear! I could not make this fear go away! (Proverbs 2:5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.)
At some point during this holy visitation Jake came into my dorm and I broke down weeping, shaking uncontrollably and confessed all the filthy, shameful sins I could think of. The Holy Spirit made it known that I needed to go and repent before Mary and I yielded.
The fear did not relent until Jake drove me home and I confessed all my sin, (known and unknown) before God and to my beloved Mary. I knew at that moment the real meaning of true repentance and was truly sorry and broken from the deepest depths of my heart. Not until I came to this point of brokenness did FATHER release me from the grips of this overwhelming fear.
At that very moment I surrendered and I was saved. I felt like and I knew I was a new person inside. My heart was truly changed and I felt the presence of Holy Spirit inhabit me as if God breathed Him into me. He healed and restored me emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.
Part of the restoration and healing process was being able to forgive my uncle and forgive my parents because I did blame them for not guarding me (and for not knowing about the abuse). I have forgiven myself for who I had become and what I had done.
Presently I am working at a Child Protective Services office where I am blessed and privileged to intercede not only for abused and neglected children and the workers but to intercede for the abusers also. This is no coincidence, what a great honor!
I can’t thank Him enough for all the ways He has restored and healed me and for how He uses me for His glory. I cannot begin to understand His ways nor how He does such wonderful things in my life. I am amazed at how, no matter where we were, He still uses us for His purposes. I now use my musical gifts to worship and glorify JESUS and He is faithful to use and anoint it.
I know that because of Christ I walk free from all kinds of bondage, guilt, shame and condemnation. I have a JOY that is incomprehensible! God created us with a hole in our heart and in our inner most being that can only be filled by Him, when we allow His Holy Spirit to come dwell in us we realize only Jesus satisfies.
JESUS has restored our family and our marriage in an incredible way. We now operate in a Genesis 2:24 genuine covenant marriage relationship, where unspoken spirit communication, connection and discernment are the norm. We operate in honesty, transparency, accountability and reconciliation no matter how hard or real an issue or offense is.
Although God has healed Mary from the effects of my betrayal, I do everything it takes to continue to gain her trust, to let her know she is honored and safe and to allow Holy Spirit to show her my rebirth conversion is real and permanent. I am loving my bride like Christ loves the church (Eph 5). He is using us more and more to minister to other couples.
I know I am His son, co–heir with Christ and I realize He has always loved me and always will. Now I am a new creation, no longer a slave to sin but a slave to righteousness, alive to ABBA through Christ Jesus! I have eternal life and life is an adventure, He uses me to save souls, see others set free, help others, I am used for His good and to advance His Kingdom…
I now use my gifts to bring Glory to His Kingdom and worship the Lord through music. You can hear me @ www.nissimusic.org
My audio testimony is on: radioairjesus.com- {http://www.radioairjesus.com/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=99} Interviews on demand.