The very first memory I have of abuse was when I was five years old. The neighbor kid yanked me from my tricycle repeatedly and took me to the alleyway and masturbated on top of me as he occasionally slapped me. Until finally a little old lady with a broom was tired of me screaming and got enough gumption to come to my rescue.
When I was eight, my stepfather adopted me. He also started abusing me sexually. For many years he either forced me to engage in sodomy, manipulation, oral sex or he was profoundly beating me for my refusal of his pursuits.
The abuse stopped when I was sixteen and told my mother. A year later they were separated soon divorced. I came to accept Christ in my heart at around the age of ten. I was involved with a group of kids who met in a neighbor’s garage for a Christian club.
During this time, I was plagued with unexplainable illnesses. I believe now that many of the illnesses were generational curses because whenever I would go to the altar in church for prayer, the illness would leave.I seemed to back and forth to the altar to get healed of one ailment or another on a consistent basis for much of my youth.
I was seventeen when I was baptized in water and at the same time filled with the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues. At eighteen, I left home. I got married, had two kids. I later got divorced after I discovered that he had an adulterous affair. By now, I was tired of being in pain. I was a brokenand confused young woman trying to find something to fix my pain, it just so happend that I could do it in these activities. Anything that made me feel better (cigarettes, marijuana and alcohol) became my best friends.I was as far from God as one could get. This season lasted for seventeen years. During this time, I re-married and gave birth to my third child. My third husband was a violent man and during our nine years of marriage I suffered many broken bones, concussions, I had been choked unconscious, beaten till I could not fight back, tossed down stairs and thrown through walls (sometimes even into the neighbor’s apartment through the walls).
At one time had my mouth had to be wired shut until my jaw healed properly. I have had my nose broken and lost my hair as it fell out from having my head pounded against the wall. I have had loaded guns held to my head (and those same guns were held at the heads of my sleeping children). Fear was my everyday reality. I finally escaped from him through divorce and lived alone for many years. I became a total drunk with prescription drug dependencies. I felt I needed “uppers”(because I was suicidal) and nerve pills seemed to subside my panic disorders. Sleeping pills enabled me to get rest, as I was too terrified to relax. I needed migraine medicine because the stress of everything brought on sudden and disabling migraines. I became addicted to perscription medication not by choice, but because I did not want to live without it. After I was given a prescription (from being put on it through a suicide watch) I became adicted. I worked two to three jobs just to give my kids all I could give them, and I will be the first to admit that I was not a great Mom. But, I did try my best. I didn’t have a support system. When I went to counseling, I got no empathy. The counselor said: “You must have done something to make him angry enough to hit you.” I knew that was not the place for me. I attempted to go to church a few times. But never had anyone reach out with the love of God and did not return to church.
Now, I must say that if you have ever made a commitment to God and then walked away, you need to know that God has been following you even if you have not seen or felt or recognize Him! And He has NEVER stopped loving you–EVER.
In 1997 I met my current husband. In the year 2000 we got married and at that point he had never seen me sober.After a series of events had caused me to loose my job, I became even more dependant on my booze, pills and bad attitude. My motto was “I can out-drink you, out-curse you, out-drive you and party all night. I deserve to drink and have fun and put my face in places never meant for a face (the toilet).” After loosing my job, the depression I had battled for seventeen years (actually the devil whispering in my ears) got the best of me. I would listen as the thoughts came “look at you now, no job, three kids and you can’t take care of them. You are a drunk and can’t pass a drug test. You gave your best and it wasn’t enough. You are no good to anyone; don’t you wish you were dead now?” These were the lies straight from the pit of hell.Then one day, I decided to just end my pain. I mixed all of my prescription pills in addition to a large bottle of Tylenol. I had 5 different kinds of alcohol in the house all in 5ths. I drank 2 of the 5ths and took half the pills, fistfuls at a time. The Phone rings. I was perturbed that someone was interrupting my last few peaceful moments alive and was very rude to the lady on the other end who had asked for someone I did not know. She apologized and said “JESUS LOVES YOU!” she hung up. I sat there totally inebriated and let the words that she spoke “JESUS LOVES YOU” hit me.
My eyes fell to the coffee table and there was the Bible I had carried as a young girl. It still had all my old hand-written notes in it. I picked it up and began to surf the pages, the whole time with that stranger’s words zooming in my mind: “JESUS LOVES YOU.” I felt compelled to rise to my feet in the middle of my living room and shout to the Lord: “If you love me, and you can take all of this all this hurt, all this abuse, all these addictions, all the pain, all the rejection, everything God, If you can take this and fix it, I will serve you for the rest of my life as long as I have breath in my lungs I will serve you!”
INSTANTLY— I was sober. My body had metabolized everything I ingested. I was instantly delivered. I did not go to the doctor or vomit up the pills and booze. It was as if LOVE filled my every fiber. I had peace and joy all at the same time. I felt like a rug that had been shaken it was in the most litteral form. My whole body trembled as the Lord clensed and deliverd me. I instantly knew that God had come looking for me and even though satan had my grave dug, God said: “Not my child, not today.” I was immediately delivered from alcohol, pills, cigarettes, coffee, a sexually transmitted disease, migraines, high blood pressure, depression, panic disorders, fear, the pain of all that had happened to me was gone. I was set free that quickly.
Two months later I witnessed to my husband who then decided to rededicate his life to God. He was baptized in water and we now encourage each other and live for the Lord Jesus Christ. I have been joyfully serving God for ten and a half years now. My husband and I both have been actively serving God since October 2000. I was re-baptized and refilled with the Holy Ghost and had asked the Father to restore to me all that the enemy had stolen. I do believe that I was given double for my trouble as I have been walking in a very powerful anointing in the healing ministry, and in the deliverance ministry since.
I now have powerful visions, tongues and interpretation. I see people get healed when I lay hands on them. I have seen people delivered from bondages at a whisper of my voice. (This all with the power of the blood of Jesus behind me—not through me.) I spend much time with the Lord in praise and worship. Recently the Lord has blessed me to be able to teach what I know to a small group of people who have similar obstacles to overcome.
Praise God He is still on His thrown and that He came looking for me in my darkest hour. What if I had not answered the phone? (I bet he would have sent someone to my door!) Although I didn’t know it then, I know this now. I am loved. I am His child. He cares for me and Jesus empowers me to help others. Because what I have overcome through Jesus, I can now bring others to Jesus!! God created my destiny, all hell tried to stop it. God rescued me, and He is no respecter of persons. What He did for me He will do for you.
Satan is no respecter of persons, either. He wants you dead, period. If he can’t kill you he wants to make you wish you were dead. Satan will try to steal from you until there is nothing left and I am here to tell you that God will make him repay and you can have healing and deliverance from anything.
Please know that if your going through any similar things that I have gone through, God is here for you. He is watching over you. Your battle is in equal proportion to your destiny of blessings. It is IMPORTANT for all to know that in my deliverance I was also healed. This means that today, even though I remember every single incident, I no longer have any torment, fear or pain associated with my memories. My heart is not bitter or angrt and my attitude is like this: ‘Yup, that happend to me and I have moved on’. The Lord put it on my heart that I would always remember so I could help others but it would no longer hurt or bring sorrow. And, to this day, I can say that what God said has been true in my life. I have been completely healed.
Prayer should never be a substitute for receiving medical attention. If you, or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts or harmful tendencies towards themselves or other individuals, please help them contact a qualified physician in addition to praying for them. shalombewithyo.wpengine.com does not assume any responsibility for any personal decisions or choices made by it’s readers.