Jennifer M. – How God Removed All the Destructive Behaviors From My life.
This is my testimony of what GOD has done for me in my life. I could tell you that I was lost in drugs and alcohol, and looking for love in all the wrong places. I was, and I did. I never found anything but more pain, depression, and oppression in those searches, and addictions.
I could tell you all about it and how GOD took all those destructive behaviors from my life. HE DID ! I would like to tell you though of a much darker life GOD delivered me from. MENTAL ILLNESS, anxiety, severe depression, panic disorder, and hopelessness (the root of those behaviors). God took me through the death of my son. I have had 2 (documented) nervous breakdowns. I was 13 years old when I had my first one. I started drinking at age 14. I just wanted relief. It didn’t work. It only got worse.
Searching For Salvation
I would spend the next 30 years looking for relief through all the things I mentioned above. I knew God as a child, I was baptized at age 9, but got mad when he let my mom die when I was 13, (my first nervous breakdown). I was baptized again in my 30’s, filled with the holy spirit and found a God who through a series of events would ultimately in his unconditional and divine love heal me.
I will tell you of two major causes of my mental illness and addictions and how God healed me in them. I was sexually abused as a child by my dad, and I watched an abortion when I was 3 yrs. old and didn’t remember these til in counseling for my illness in my 30’s (God’s intervention). I was then thrown into a process of Dr’s, including psychiatrists, counselors, and one hospitalization, with medications, years of trial and errors to try and find answers and relief.
Then to lose my son at age 49. Through all of this ,the one hope I had and held onto was God and I knew he could and would heal me. After my son’s death did seek relief again for a short time in the drinking and pills. God held onto me during this pain in my life, and brought me right back to him. I, you see, kept believing and praying, even in my rebellion.
My Second Breakdown
I had my 2nd breakdown when I remembered the abortion. It was my mom and dad who aborted this baby. I won’t go into details, but I will tell you of God’s wonderful healing love when I remembered. I was asking him one day, how could this memory and horrible incident ever be healed.
I said to him (God) , what a horrible thing for a 3yr. old to see. God said to me, I can make you glad you saw this. I said WHAT? God said I can make you grateful you saw this. I said Ok, so tell me God how could I ever be grateful for watching this horrific crime.
God said, If you hadn’t seen this, the baby you named and had a ceremony for, and gave a place in this world, would never had been acknowledged. God said I took care of you and saw you through this pain, didn’t I? and because of you, this baby existed on this earth through your memory, he was here if even for a moment, he had a place in this world and someone cared , Jennifer, YOU DID! I said Thank you God for blessing me with this memory.
God Can Make the Best Out Of the Worst
God turned a horrible act and memory in my life to good. Only GOD can do that. He is my healer, my deliverer, my help in present time of trouble. When I lost my son, I knew God as I said, but I didn’t learn of God’ s true comfort and real LOVE til I lost my son. I held onto God again the first months after my son died. Then I got lost again and sought relief briefly through my “old friends,” (alcohol and drugs).
God Kept Loving Me
God never let go of me though. God came and got me and held onto me again; while I went through treatment and therapy for awhile. God never left me, in fact he told me recently, about my son’s death and the good that came from it. He said I have your son, he is with me, the Devil/world took him, but I snatched him right out of Satan’s hands. God said I told Satan, you can’t have this one, his mother has been praying for him for a long time.
God also said when your son died I brought you to a place in me with a faith unmovable, I took you through the darkest , most painful time of your life, and now you know I love you and can take care of anything you’ll ever have to go through. GOD did take me through that, and even though I lost my way again for a short time, God sought me out and brought me right back to my place in him, as if I never left.
I can tell you, I now take no medications, I still have a mental disability, but God has made a way where there was no-way for me to live quite comfortably even with it. God told me I am like Paul, Paul had a problem, God would not heal/fix it. God told me, if I take this infirmity from you, you may not need me, or stay as close to me, and like Paul, if I’m going to bless you, I need to keep you close to me. I said, Like Paul, OK GOD, I will keep it, if that’s what it takes to keep me close to you and you to me. Please don’t take it away.
I never want to leave God and I will do whatever it takes to stay close to him. He is the ALPHA, and OMEGA, The Beginning and the End. He is the prince of peace, my redeemer and my friend. I trust him with my whole heart.
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