“Sing unto God, sing praises to His name; extol Him that rideth upon the heavens by His name, JAH, and rejoice before Him. A father to the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in His holy habitation. God setteth the solitary in families; he bringeth out those which are bound with chains; but the rebellious dwell in the dry land.” Psalms 68: 4-6
Today’s Christian daily devotional
“Julia, go add another place setting for dinner.” My mother called out while placing her hand over the phone receiver, listening intently to the person on the other end.
I gladly ablidged, wondering who the mystery guest was that would soon be joining us for dinner.
The meal was a simple beef stew with rice, nothing extraordinary to indicate anybody particularly special.
It was a Thursday night, but something about having a stranger for dinner made it feel as if the weekend had descended a smidge early. The excitement and anticipation made my imagination run wild. Weekends never seemed to be long enough.
The pungent scent of the tender meat that was roasting all day smelled so good I could hardly stand it. While pulling out the extra dishes and utensils, the sliding glass door in our kitchen opened. The mixed aroma of car grease, gasoline and black coffee overcame my mother’s homemade dinner.
I felt my heart drop just below my feet. It was obvious now that there was no special guest coming for dinner. The mystery person whom I was so looking forward to seeing was just the most familiar stranger I had ever known; my father. It was a rare thing for my dad to be home early enough to spend dinner with the family.
The realization of this let-down and the darkness of my own thoughts compelled me to leave our tiny kitchen as quick as I could. My feet rushed up the stairs to my bedroom before I even had a chance to think about it. Leaping onto my bed, I slammed the door loudly behind me.
Guilt, shame and anger filled my heart like a dry sponge. Hatred, resentment and bitterness quickly followed. My dry and empty heart was now being filled; it felt like walls of it suddenly expanded to make room for so much more.I finally just allowed the rage to fill me to the brim; the dam of my heart was broken and a river of rage was unleashed.
I was so angry with my father, the world and myself. But, hating my dad felt better than the pain.
Furiously punching my pillow, I threw it down and pressed my face into it. The feather filling drowned the sobs that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once.
My father was a decent man. He worked hard to provide our large family of seven with the necessities we needed in life.
But, to me those necessities were the bare minimum. Food, shelter, braces and schooling were just not enough for me. I required much more. I needed love, hugs and affirmation.
The sight of my father reminded me of the absence of all of those other necessary things.
I felt ashamed and terribly guilty for wanting and needing much more and for actually having the nerve to hate my father for not providing it. I hated myself for despising him, yet I couldn’t seem to talk myself out of my raw emotions any longer.
Calling my mother to my room, I told her that I was not feeling well enough to join the family for dinner. Dinner came and went without me and I escaped another painful meal with the stranger called my father.
Oh, what I would give to have a real connection with my father! I reached out to him several times over the years. But every time I did, he found his way around the torture of my presence. His favorite television shows, tinkering with broken down cars and fixing old VCRs seemed to be vitally more important than spending time with me.
Eventually, sharing a simple family dinner and having a conversation about my day felt like an insincere attempt to be ‘normal’. If this was normal, I wanted no part of it.
In Psalms 68: 4-6 the Bible sends a comfort and a warning. For those who are lacking in love from a father, God is ready to fill that aching heart. In verse 5 He promises to be a father to the fatherless. But, one of the most important things to take note of is the warning in verse 6. God said that He allows the rebellious ones to live in a dry (unproductive) land.
In my journey toward finding God, I realized that even though my father was not there for me the way I would have liked, God was always available. It was my own rebellion that was stopping God from being able to heal me. I was the one standing in the way of my own blessing. Are you looking for a blessing? Is the man in the mirror stopping yours?
“Dear Heavenly Father,
I am a simple person with complex needs. In a world that is cold and hurting itself, I have not found comfort or healing.
When I reach out to others, even the “wise”, they have nothing to offer that gives me hope for lasting changes. I am searching for true joy and fulfillment.
I give you my broken dreams and shattered expectations. I am depending on you to be the father that I can reach out to and trust with my whole heart.
I need you to hug my spirit, heal my pain and comfort my sorrow. No one else has been able to do it, and now I am willing to give you the chance to heal me.
In the past I have allowed the spirit of anger, rage, bitterness, resentment and cold-heartedness to control my choices and my life. This has stopped me from my healing. I am making the choice to forgive those who have hurt me and to let those negative emotions go.
They will not stop the good things you have in store for me. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
Thank you for reading today’s Christian daily devotional on verses: Psalms 68: 4-6
Please check back and see what we have for you tomorrow!
Author: Julia Shalom Jordan