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Weekly Christian Devotionals - Prayer - Verses - Testimonials / Comfortably numb.

Comfortably numb.

Written by Julia Shalom Jordan.Posted in Devotionals, Relationships1Tagged: broken heart, forgiveness, Matthew 24:10-13, rejection, Unconditional love

“And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceiver many.  And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.  But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” Matt. 24:10-13

Today’s Christian daily devotional

“He died last night.” The words should have caused my heart to feel something, but I felt nothing.

“Whens the funeral?” I heard my voice ask the question and felt the words leave my mouth but the strange absence of emotion hovered over my heart like a dark cloud.

I figured at this point in my discovery, I should be feeling something by now. Plans were discussed and my father and I hung up the phone.

I peered outside my window into the bustling street below.  It was a cold, wet autumn afternoon. Rain hats and umbrellas covered most of the passing faces. People were moving quickly—I imagined they were on their way to a warm shelter.  This was definitely not a day for lingering.

The world outside my window was an exact reflection of my heart. I was used to moving quickly, to covering my heart with anything that would protect it, and searching for warmth and comfort wherever I could find it.

Today, there was one less stranger on the streets of Chicago; my grandfather was no longer living.  He was not breathing, dodging rain or seeking respite.

I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped the warm blanket around me. The chill of my heart felt like it permeated up to the surface of my skin. Closing my eyes I desperately searched my mind for one pleasant memory of my Grandpa B. I remember him awkwardly passing me back to my mother after I sat in his lap for a few minutes.  I recall the musty smell of his jacket and home.

I can also remember that my father refused to call him dad.  He always addressed my grandfather by his first name, George. My father had always that said my Grandpa B. did not deserve to be called his dad. I figured that if he did not deserve the title of dad, he most certainly did not deserve the title of Grandpa!  But, I continued to called him Grandpa B. because calling him George really seemed to upset my mother.

This was all so confusing to my little mind.  I was only four. My desires were simple; I just wanted to be loved and to be played with.  My grandfather had no interest in either of those things.  With little in common, our relationship was built on shards of short, cold and forced interactions.

Matt. 24:10-13 is a prophecy for the end times. It is speaking of the increase in wickedness and what the results of that wickedness will brings to humanity.

Sadly, I could not bring myself to even attend my grandfather’s funeral.  I struggled with finding a nice thing to say about him. He gave me very little to work with.

To this day, I fight hard to reject the inheritance of my grandfather’s cold heart. It was passed down to me and unfortunately I have noticed that I wear it quite easily and well.

But, this is not the kind of heart that I want. I am stepping out of the cold—exposing myself.  But, this time I found my shelter. His name is Jesus.

“Dear Heavenly Father,

My heart is still broken.  Every time I feel that it is healed, I realize that under the surface, there is a dark wound that I have kept hidden away.  It was buried so deep one would have to pierce my heart to find it at the core of me.

This is not who I am.  I will not accept a cold heart, a broken one.  I know Jesus died to give me so much more than this. 

Lord, today I give you my anger, the pain of my rejection, my past and my future.  What can you do with a mess that feels impossible to fix? You said with you all things are possible.  Then I will take that to mean that even miracles are possible for a mess like me. 

Lord, I need a miracle today.  Not a little one; a big one. For I have a big heart but it is broken.  It is cold.  In Jesus’ precious name, I am expecting you to love it back to healthy again.  Amen.”

Thank you for reading today’s Christian daily devotional on verses: Matthew 24:10-13

Please check back and see what we have for you tomorrow!

Author: Julia Shalom Jordan

 

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